Treasure hunting in your trauma

I have often wondered at the fact that many of the most kind, faith filled, humble, loving  people I know have had incredibly painful lives.  I can recall wondering, even as a little girl ,”Why do bad thing happen to such wonderful people?  As an adult, I still struggle with this.  Why must we endure trauma?

Some trauma is fully or partially self-induced.  Some trauma is caused by other people, or by circumstances out of our control. I have experienced both, and I can attest that having caused my own trauma does not lessen it’s impact on my heart.  There are some who can list on one hand the events in their lives which have been truly traumatic.  Others have lived through a string of traumas and heartbreaks which were separated only by the tiniest moments of calm.

Trauma shapes us.  Perhaps you are familiar with the following list of possible outcomes: trust issues, cynical attitudes, attachment disorders, emotional roadblocks, anxiety, depression, addictive tendencies and behaviors, abandonment issues, PTSD, insomnia, and eating disorders, among other things.  If trauma has left you with any of these, I encourage you to be honest, and humble enough to seek help. It’s not embarrassing or weak to need help; it’s human.  Some things are nearly impossible to process alone.  (If you would benefit from counseling or therapy, but struggle with the cost, I encourage you to check out this resource: https://openpathcollective.org      I have found it really helpful when I could not otherwise afford the resources I needed.) 

There is a silver lining.  When you begin to heal your trauma, you will begin to find the treasure which was buried within the depths of your pain.  I have realized in recent years that perhaps the good people who have unfairly endured much pain are good BECAUSE they have endured.  Some of the most kind people developed kindness in response to the knowledge of how it feels to be treated unkindly.  The person who brings me comfort by empathizing with my suffering so effectively can do so because they have experienced it as well. Sometimes the people with the strongest faith have developed it in order to illuminate the darkness they had to walk through.

As I reflect again on my childhood role-models; the individuals I knew whose love and light shone from them so brightly- indeed I recognize that all of them endured trauma.  They had seasons of grief and anger, but each one chose to heal, and to go treasure hunting in the depths of their pain.  This is what made them beautiful. They did not want the remodel that occurred in their heart, but they submitted to it, and their character became beautiful.

I am still in the process of treasure hunting the fields of trauma in my own life.  This year I discovered in myself a fearlessness I did not know I possessed. I am not afraid of loss, or of grief.  They hurt deeply, but this hurt is like a familiar ache; I have spent more of my life with it than without it. This ache is the cost of loving others with an open heart.  It is an ache I will willingly endure as often as needed.  I have learned that I am not seeking a safe, comfortable life.  I am seeking  a messy, vibrant, joyful, painful life that is filled with loving other people.  I am not afraid of the painful parts of this life anymore.

I to encourage you to heal, and to seek the beautiful things that are left among your ruins.  Perhaps you will be surprised at what you find.

 

 

 

Tags: trauma, healing, PTSD, counseling, therapy, treasure-hunting, ACE’s, stress, anxiety, faith, Christianity, gratitude, mindfulness, childhood trauma, divorce, death, grief, loss