Often I choose to blog about what happens in my life that is inspirational, wonderful or otherwise happy and Pollyanna-esque. I like to think that often what I write can inspire someone or brighten their day a little. I am so grateful for the divine appointments that sometimes give me writing material, and I do enjoy sharing them.
If you are one of my Facebook friends, you will find my page to be likewise. I usually keep things happy and light. Occasionally a bit of attitude escapes me, or I throw a prayer request out there, or I cannot refrain from posting something about an issue that I feel strongly about, but for the most part I think everyone has enough of their own problems, and they really don’t need to worry about mine as well. I think that we have to be careful what we share in social media of all varieties, and it’s often not the appropriate place to communicate about problems.
There is a movement going on among bloggers though, and it’s called Transparent Tuesdays. The idea is that whatever your online voice generally is, on Tuesdays what you write is very transparent. You see, those of us who write in a happy and positive manner have issues too. We don’t often mention them, but they certainly exist. I appreciate this movement because it has made some of my favorite bloggers feel more relatable to me – sometimes if we feel like someone’s life is much more ‘perfect’ than ours, we feel like they can’t relate to us, or we can’t relate to them.
So here goes my Transparent Tuesday post. (Yes, I know it’s Friday. The idea of this project is to be transparent though, and I don’t see why I can’t be transparent on a Friday too.)
First, this one is for all my newlywed peeps. There is this pervasive image of newlywed bliss: an picture of two adoring people gazing into each other’s eyes and smiling…this bliss..well, yes it’s there. We do our share of being ridiculously in love and over the moon happy. Marriage with someone you love and can serve God with is a true blessing. However, there is another side to being newlyweds that no one really likes to mention. The part where you try not to elbow each other in the face as you roll over in your sleep because you are used to sleeping alone (and frequently fail and bruise your husband/wife as a result). The part where you have to decide who does what in your house, and as a result, the floor is dirty and the garbage is overflowing. The part where there is really only enough hot water for one good shower and you are both frequent shower takers. Yes, these are definitely first world problems. Some people have no bed, no home, and no shower; and in light of that fact, I see that having to learn to share these with another human that you love is really not a big deal. Honestly, sometimes it feels like a big deal at the time though.
Secondly, let me talk about my job as a caregiver: I choose to portray the endearing and entertaining side of this job most often. I do enjoy it; I love the elderly, and it is a privilege to care for the aging loved ones from many diverse families. I relish the opportunity to get to know my clients on a personal level and to make their lives as dignified and as comfortable as I can. I think that on occasion, it should be stated that there is a side to this job that is extremely challenging at times as well. For those of you who are not in the medical field, let me just say that I deal with a LOT of bodily fluids of many varieties. I clean them up off many surfaces and in many situations. I don’t enjoy that aspect of this job at all. There are moments where being a caregiver breaks my heart; such as seeing the pain on the family’s face as Alzheimer’s or another form of Dementia slowly steals the personality and intelligence of their mom or dad. Sometimes I struggle to be polite and patient when one of my elderly clients treats me in an abusive manner. I absolutely despise being yelled at, and a part of many cognitive diseases is having unexplained angry outbursts. I truly love my job, but sometimes it sends me home feeling like I have nothing left to give. Thankfully my husband is a patient man, and understands when I come home tired and down heartened on occasion.
Lastly, let me address the emotional side of being a woman. Sometimes it’s just ridiculous. I have never been one to have the angry type of PMS. I don’t scream or yell or have all sorts of entitled attitudes. I just cry. I feel sad for no apparent reason, and cry, sometimes for hours. I can see the irrational aspect of this even while it is happening, and sometimes I feel so frustrated that I am crying even as I continue. I can function long enough to do my job with a happy face pinned in place, but when I get home, the waterworks continue. This happens every month. I have no control over it, and I don’t like it. (Yes, I have tried vitamin D, vitamin B, exercise for endorphins, and all sorts of other things. They all help a little, but I cry anyway. No, I am not depressed. It is temporary, and comes at the same time each month.) Other than this, I have to say I got off pretty easily on the female side of things. The crying is the only really bothersome aspect of womanhood for me. I am grateful for that fact.
It is my hope that this blog will make me more relatable to my readers on some level. I have struggles and issues just like you. The above mentioned things are just a few of mine – there are many more. I have to say though, that this season in my life is actually wonderful. I have issues, but I also have a job that I find fulfilling, an awesome husband that I love very much, a warm and happy home, and good health. I am very grateful for my life, and all the blessings in it. I make a conscious choice not to let my struggles steal my joy. My life is filled with blessings, and that is what I will continue to focus on.